I'm fat

There, I've said it.

Two years ago I lost weight and threw out my fat clothes. I've since gained most of it back. I have no money to buy new fat clothes.

I want to lose weight, need to lose weight. Not that I'm unhappy with myself or trying to look like Twiggy. My hubby thinks I'm beautiful. So do I in a Venus of Wilendorf sort of way. Hey, weight gain and sagging coupled with the right bra has given me cleavage I never had when I was young and thin.

I'm not dieting because the doctor said to lose 20 lbs and come back to see her. She gave me three months - that was three years ago. My HDL and LDL were good but my triglycerides were a little high. I asked what caused that and she answered pastry. That did it for me. I love food, I eat sometimes (OK a lot of times because it tastes good) but, I'd give up pastry for a second helping of mashed potatoes and gravy any day. I'm not a pastry eater.

I have changed my diet over the years. It is more of a life style change than a "diet." as I learn more about myself, herbs and nutrition. I eat really good food. I eat way too much really good food.

I could give you the list of excuses - stress, changing schedules, no support from hubby (remember he thinks I'm beautiful), time constraints, etc. etc.

So, besides the fact that nothing in my closet zips properly if at all I feel like crap. The extra pounds have slowed me down. Weighed me down literally. The hardest part for me though - besides sticking to regular work outs - is that once the weight starts to come off I feel better. I have energy again. Most people think I have way to much energy now. For me this is slow motion. I work as an accountant. All the accountants I know sit at a desk and work. When I start feeling like my energetic young self I bounce off the walls at work. I can't sit still. I'm that annoying kid in class with ADHD. I don't have ADHD (at least not that I know of and I don't mean to pick on anyone who does but...).

Now, get this. Hubby gained a couple of pounds and has been really, really annoying about losing them. He wants my support. Really, NOW YOU KNOW HOW I F'N FEEL! was my answer to that. Suddenly he's on board. Between that and having no money finally bike rides and hiking are family functions(took me how long).

So, my goal is to zip my pants. My next goal is to spend time in my gardens again without feeling winded.