Monday, July 22, 2013

Since he's been gone

Many people asked how I've been since son entered boot camp a week ago. I'm fine, really. We dropped him off last Sunday at the main recruiting station. I must say the recruiter driving him and four other boys to MEPS at least had a clue. Son's recruiter did not instill any confidence in me at all. And as much as I fully support son in his decision and those who serve the military I'm not real fond of the military. I should say I do not agree with using violence to bring about peace. But, that is my issue. We received our scripted phone call to say he arrived and other than letters we will not hear from him again until boot camp is over unless his unit earns a phone call home.

MIL and FIL took us all out for dinner before son left. She is very anxious. As I explained there he is supervised. If he were going away to college he wouldn't be. And heck, I know what happens then. And as far as I'm concerned he is far safer in the Marines than he would be living with bio. As a side note oldest has once again moved out of bio's home due to conditions and I believe will not be going back this time. And let's face it very few things come between me and sleeping or eating - when I think of what those are I will let you know.

I'm not saying I do not worry but I have learned to let go of what I have no control over. He has been planning this phase in his life since before I met him 11 years ago. I've had time to adjust.

Youngest had a melt down the first day son was gone. She cried how she was not meant to be an only child, she was lonely, she missed him, etc. I comforted her the best I could and explained that it was now her time to shine and spend time with friends. She could write to him and she would see him in October when boot camp is over. I must admit in my head I was screaming "really, get over it, life goes on and I'm sure my brother never cried when I left home." But, I managed to keep all of those thoughts in my head. The next day she contacted her friends from school and the tears have passed.

So, since son's been gone I have less laundry and less food to cook. We have attended a concert in the park, gone to the movies and went to lunch and shopping. All of which we would have done even if  he were here.

Saturday, July 6, 2013


As I see others react with their families I reflect at how blessed I am. I see so many friends and co-workers seeking approval, love, contact with their parents to no avail. One sticks out clearly in my thoughts - the more successful she becomes the more her mother lashes out at her. It is a tough lesson she must learn. The frustration and anger have moved her forward in a positive way but with much pain. But, what I find the most heartbreaking is that no one has her back - nor her mom, her sister or to a large extent her husband. She is very much expected to have theirs.

And this is where I find myself very grateful. As dysfunctional as my parents are - because every child I think feels that way at some point - they have always been there for me. They have not always agreed with me. But, they loved and supported me no matter what. I look at them now and realize their dysfunctions are minor and I share many of them. We have a good relationship. Our visits are filled with laughter so hard my sides hurt and the tears flow. I know that at any moment I can pick up the phone and fall apart and they will just listen. Thankfully this is rare.

And this sense of holding your children I hope I have passed on to my children. I have not agreed with all of their decisions but, I have tried to support them. I have let them make decisions. Sometimes they work out and some times they fall flat. And through it all I do not say I told you so, or did you learn anything (because they clearly did) I simply love them with open arms.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Taken for a Ride

Son leaves is less than two weeks. He has sold his Bronco. The one he worked hard for, saved for and fixed up. It is old and tired and has served him well. He his making room for a new vehicle once he is stationed some where. A power wagon if he has his way. And I believe he shall.

I told him at dinner that he had a couple of dates with me before he leaves. One is to spend some time cleaning and sorting his bedroom. The next I said is that he could not sell his Bronco until he took me for a ride. There has been no reason to drive me around. He did that a lot when he was learning to drive. He was a natural. I don't think I ever hit that imaginary brake on my side of the car - not like driving with his sister. Any way...

Hubby pointed out that I didn't say how far - he could just drive me to the end of the cul-de-sac and back. So after dinner he took me for a ride. I offered to hang out the window and wave my arms. That's not safe he said. No, you just hook your feet under the seat and sit in the window. I don't want to know how you know that, he said.

I said I read about it. As he pulled in the driveway I started to climb in the window asking what hubby might think. But, hubby wasn't in ear shot so I passed. It kept him wondering though.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Herbs, Study and arriving home

This past week end I was at the International Herb Symposium. I had gone once before in 2007. I was new to this herbal study then and didn't know anyone. This year I was blessed to ride with a friend along side me and see friends I have made in this herbal realm. I took as many classes I could and attempted to back notes than I have in the past. I also remembered to date my notes and include the year. I have been sorting out notebooks the past few weeks and now know how important this little detail is. I have a lot of information to sift through, assimilate some, discard some and contemplate still more. I took some teachers that are known to challenge your thought process. This is good. I also had others who inspired. The passion for what they do is infectious.

Hubby took the week end off with the kids. They spent some quality time together. They visited family at his niece’s graduation party. They enjoyed themselves while I was away.

I returned to work the next day not feeling home yet. So today I reground and fully arrive. It is time to plot out the next few steps.