Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Manifesting

A friend suggested writing down your goals for 90 days. April 5 will be the 90 day mark. Here are my goals and results. I will be contemplating what my next 90 days will look like.

1. Walk 100 miles on the treadmill or otherwise. So far I have logged 41.10 miles. The stress with the court and changing schedules threw me off track.

2. Finalize plans for summer vacation. I had already traded in the time share, gave them a list of dates and places. For this I really needed to wait and see what become available first. But, I like plans in advance and if nothing had become available I was prepared to add new destinations to the list. The e-mail came in and we leave for Maine the day after school gets out.

3. Book the International Herb Fest (IHF)and Women's Herb Conference (WHC). With the confirmation of vacation plans the IHF was out of the question as it is the same week end we leave. Uugh! The paperwork is all filled out for the WHC and I'm waiting on funds. The deadline for early bird is May 31 and it will be in the mail by then.

4. I want to be making more money. But, I do not want to work any more days (3) than I currently work. My job responsibilities changed. I have more hours which means more pay but, I do not have to go into the office more than the three days I already was. That works for me.

Monday, March 30, 2009

love

What is love? A blog comment prompted this thought. And thanks to all those mothers out there commented and encouraging me - it really helps.

Oldest, and the other kids to a lesser extent, were programmed/brain washed to believe that love was something you earned by being "good." Oldest believes if she is quite and doesn't cause yelling that she will be loved. When I popped on the scene and loved them no matter what it through her for a loop. I also don't equate quiet with being good. She constantly acts in ways that would make bio happy, and if bio is happy then she is happy and may get a few crumbs of love. I do all the things she wants a mom to do and she resents me for that. The more I do the bitchy her she gets. It's almost comical (if it didn't hurt so much) Yet, I still do for her. I still love her. Someday I hope she can just sit with that. Hubby loves her in much the same way but bio has told oldest over and over and over and over.... that he doesn't really love her. He only treats this way as a bribe to keep her. If he keeps her he wins this sick game bio is playing. Bio uses them as a prize in a game. And part of this is all about mother love and my blasting oldest was really what she needed to here.

And blip - infatuation springs to mind. When my first husband moved out to live with his new girlfriend (in our old apartment) we talked on the phone one day. He said how he loved me but wasn't in love with me. That love was feeling like no one else in the world existed. Hmm, that to me is infatuation. Now that he is a Dad (and a really good one from what I hear) I wonder what his answer would be today? I'll have to ask him next time I see him.

The rain keeps falling, the snow is gone, the daffodils are about to burst open and I will be working at home today balancing bank statements.

May you be filled with, surrounded by and blessed with true, unconditional love my dear readers! Hugs, gratitude and love from me.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

CPR and groceries

I am officially recertified in CPR/AED for another year. The penny auction was going on at the same time as class. I left youngest home as class was 3 hours. The other scout leader brought her daughter. She let her go to the auction, bring a book and her DS to keep her busy. Besides there are plenty of adults there. True, but I don't feel it is another adults responsibility to watch my child. Maybe, it is just me.

Came home and youngest and I were off to the grocery shopping marathon. Two stores and less than three hours later we were home. I think that is a record. She went outside and played in the beautiful sunshine and I read on the deck. Then she made us supper - well, we made supper. Arroz con Pollo out of Emeril's There's A Chef in the World. It is so good. Youngest insisted on using the purple (forbidden) rice. With a variety of peppers, onions and capers it was a complete rainbow of a meal.

I actually got some snuggle time with hubby. Yeah! With his rotating schedule and the kids home 24/7 now we have not settled into a new dating routine yet. I miss our dates and so does he. That's our next thing on the list - finding date time.

My parents called. They are home from their winter in Florida. Once they settle back in I will have them for dinner.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Busy Week

Sunday oldest and I went to see The Producers. The play was great the conversation was not. Talking with her is like pulling teeth. She then commented on her facebook that she was in a bad mood and wanted to live with bio in Arizona. Everyone pussyfoots around oldest because she's sensitive - she cries and pouts and is plain old miserable. I sit across from her at the dinner table and she angles herself so she doesn't have to look at me. Enough is enough. She doesn't want to live here anyway what is the worse that can happen. On the way to our meeting Wednesday night I let it all out. As mother-in-love says a car is a captive audience. I started calmly asking if there was anything else I should know about before my friends started calling me again (like the comment on facebook). At one point I pulled the car over to tell her exactly what was on my mind. Everything that has pissed me off, hurt my feelings or annoyed me came out. As we pulled into the parking lot at the fire house I ended with - you're sixteen years old, act your age. If you have a problem be an adult and let me know - stop this lying, sneaking crap and grow up. Of course this came after I got her to admit that she was uncomfortable at our house because her father loves her and is doing what he thinks is best for her. Hell, that would make me uncomfortable. I explained that when someone does something nice whether it is me or a stranger on the street a simple thank you is in order. I'm not asking for her to kiss my feet - just common courtesy and I let her know it. She stewed through the hour long meeting. I got an apology for her acting like a brat when we got in the car and she carried on a conversation the rest of the way home. She's been pleasant ever since. All I know is I feel better that I got it off my chest. Heck, she even looked at me at dinner.
I called mother-in-love and she said maybe that is just what she needed. Maybe.

Youngest is waking up before I have to go get her. She is perky. She doesn't fight bedtime anymore. She even shuts the TV off on time and goes to read without being asked. The only nightmares now is after a conversation with bio. Amazing what a regular schedule, bedtime and meals can do for a child.

Son is LOVING the police explorers. Last Saturday he helped with a wrestling match. He had his picture taken with two female wrestlers. Needless to say the were pretty blonds not wearing much. He had me e-mail his brother the picture with the message - look what I got.

Work - I have six more clients than I did on Monday. One is a new client and the other five I'm taking over for a full time accountant that they fired. In my three days a week I have been handling 8 clients and pet projects for my boss. He has not been able to maintain his five clients. It all came to a head this week when one of his clients expressed to upper management a vote of no confidence in his accountant and that he felt it was hurting his business. That client was immediately taken away. Yesterday HR came in and decided that instead of the lay off they had planned do to lack of performance that with this information in hand it would be a firing instead with no compensation. I feel bad - he is a nice guy. But, I'm cleaning up his accounts and OMG are they a mess. I have a blanket permission to work more than 3 days whenever I want or need to. I can also work at home two days and come in three. I have been putting a few extra hours at home the past few weeks cleaning up another disaster of his. They are also upgrading the system as of April 3 and I will have full access to the system at home. Yeah!

I have to admit part of me never wants to be full time again. The other part of me thrives on being busy and handling all of these clients. In five minutes of taking back an old client yesterday (he's been trying to do his financials himself) I found an $18,000 error in the clients favor. I can't wait to make that phone call. Plus I could really use the extra money now. I love having the kids home and safe but the grocery bill has gone up and I have no funds for me stuff anymore. Plus all the kids jumped a size at the same time.

Today is CPR class. I need to renew or the Girl Scouts can't go to the Dude Ranch in May. And then I'm off to the grocery store and bringing oldest and a friend to the movies to see A Haunting in CT.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Saturday play dates

Everyone had to be somewhere Saturday. Oldest had driver's ed in the morning. Son had to do crowd control with his explorer post for a wrestling match in the afternoon. Youngest and I had a hair appointment at 10. Youngest was told her troop was selling Girl Scout cookies and I had a surprise birthday party to go to. Needless to say something had to give as it is Hubby's week end to work and he was sleeping. Youngest did not sell Girl Scout cookies and hubby had to wake up and transport son.

I went to the Purple Rose for their open house. There weren't a lot of people which surprised me. We did end with an impromptu drumming meditation which was cool. Then I was off to Annie's surprise birthday party. I had some time in between and I spotted a bike trail near where I parked so I took a walk in the spring sunshine. The party was nice. Her Beloved even hired a magician as entertainment.

I had put a roast in the crock pot for dinner. So when I arrived home I mashed the potatoes with some herb cheese and made gravy. It was really good.

Today oldest and I are off to see The Producer's at the Thomaston Opera House.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Super Hero (3rd post of the day)



Check out the Super Hero Factory and determine what super hero you are. OK, I just came from seeing the butterflies so the wings appealed to me - besides it shows my delicate gentle side. That I can morph from caterpillar to butterfly. I almost went with the whip until I saw the dual gun option - even in pink which is not my color I couldn't resist. It's my gun slinger Clint Eastwood look. Ah, this was sooooo much fun.

Butterflies



I am home from Magic Wings and have been downloading and editing pictures. At first the butterflies would only land on Darcy. I took some really cool pictures of that. Then I found this bench in a sunny spot and the butterflies started landing on me. Yeah! What a perfect way to spend the first day of spring.

Spring is Here

Today is the first day of spring. I am off from work and spending the day with Darcy. Life is good. Enjoy your first day of spring!!!!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Looking forward to the week end

After work today I am off until Tuesday. Yeah! Things are going well there and I am really busy so the days fly by. I have the infamous Harry's account back as the person who was supposed to take it over shoved it to the bottom of his desk and pretended it wasn't there. My boss took care of that issue.

Tomoorow is the first day of spring, Ostara and I am going to the butterfly place (can't remember the name) in MA with a friend. Hmm, I may never come home. A day surrounded by beautiful butterflies and good company.

Saturday is the open house at the Purple Rose and then I have plans for myself in the afternoon. I am so looking forward to it.

The weather is getting warmer and the energy level is rising.

And prayers to the family of Natasha Richardson, especially her boys. What a reminder that the time we have is precious.

Monday, March 16, 2009

What I finished



Back in October I saw a sign with this saying on it (or something similar). I loved it and that it echos Dylan Thomas' poem Do not go gentle into that good night really struck a chord. I had finally finished my wedding cross stitch - OK, so it was complete before our fifth anniversary. I vow never to work with metallic thread again. I pulled out a cross stitch book my girlfriend gave me years ago. It had these witches in it. They are supposed to be separate, glued to felt and made into magnets. Yeah, right. I arranged them my way and got started. Yesterday with the windows open to let in the fresh air it was warmer outside than in. I sat on my deck and completed this little cross stitch. I still need to mount and frame it but, I'm really happy with it.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Sunday, Sunday

Thanks to everyone who commented on teenagers and teenage girls in particular. It made me LOL. I know oldest's moodiness is part of her age and can't wait for this stage to pass. OK, I'd be happy if she remembered the words thank you were part of the English language. Even soon manages to mumble them.

It has been warmer during the days and most of the snow is gone. I went for a walk with my girlfriend the other day and enjoyed the air and the company. Yesterday was grocery shopping day. Youngest tagged along for both trips - oldest was along for the second trip. I make one to BJ's for meat and dairy as I need family packs every day and the economic times have made the grocery store offer less and less of these. We unloaded with the help of son, picked up oldest from driver's ed and off to a regular store to finish. I had bought her the latest book in the series she is reading - Hunted. I left it tucked in the back seat. She spotted it right away and said sweet! I guess that will work - I really wanted thank you to follow. I must just have unrealistic expectations.

Son was going to make supper but didn't realize it was a slow (8 hour) cook rib recipe. So, he is cooking today instead. I made Italian wedding soup. I also made cookies and cream ice cream at youngest's request. And I'm anticipating the corn beef and cabbage I bought for Tuesday. Hubby will not be thrilled but once a year he can suck it up.

And, I'm really grateful that when I check in with my parents once a week I can say nothing really new is happening. There is day to day kid stuff but no drama. Yeah!!!!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Kids

Nothing my hubby does is good enough. Bio has convinced them that he doesn't care about them. Last week hubby sat and watched a movie with oldest. Sunday he brought her up to the firehouse and taught her how to back up the truck. She is not under our insurance yet so we won't take her on the road. Her comments - Dad does nothing with me at all. And he says I can't drive without insurance. She thinks this is something he made up. Then again bio would let her drive her car (if she had one) with no insurance. Rules are for other people to follow not her. I know oldest is a moody 16 year old pulled in two directions but still, I can't help thinking what an ungrateful bitch.

I went to youngest's parent teacher conference with hubby the other night. The teachers asked if I could teach a parent in-service. They both thanked me for the support and involvement. They see youngest making great strides and credit me with a lot of that. Boy, that felt really good.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Spring is in the air

OK, so it snowed again yesterday - but a spring snow that is more of a slush. The earth is calling. The mud is thick in the driveway. It is too soon to be outside playing in mama earth so I did the next best thing - I repotted my house plants this morning. I could hear them sigh with relief as they now can spread their roots and grow freely.

Basic cleaning is done and I may just take a nap. Oh, but first I'm going to research some places we can go on spring break. With no visitations to work around we are free to go with no restrictions on our time. We may just do an overnight here or there. Hmm, the possabilities thrill me.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

25 Random Things

This went around facebook and a few blog sites and I've been thinking about what I could say about me and still haven't thought of one. Hmm! 25 random things in no particular order as I wing it.

1) My favorite food is potatoes - never met one I didn't like - would take a potato over chocolate any day.

2) If I do have chocolate I prefer good dark organic chocolate.

3)My grandmother is my biggest hero, passed from this life on my 21st birthday and has been with me every day since. I love you Grandma!

4) I always assumed I would have kids but never pictured myself pregnant or with babies. My brother was going to have the little ones. And we both did.

5) I prefer red cars and think automatic transmissions should be against the law (especially in a sports car). That said, my current car is an automatic only because a car as big as I need is impossible to find in a standard shift.

6)I have preached from the pulpits of a UCC (united church of christ), Methodist and baptist church. I even read scripture at a catholic wedding. I have a masters in Biblical studies and consider myself pagan.

7) I started college as an engineering major and went on to get a degree in English literature. I also have a business degree in accounting.

8) I like my tequila shots with no training wheels (no salt and lime).

9) My brother's nickname for me is Goat. I was on the swim team in high school and would come home and eat everything in sight. His was Yutville (no idea why).

10) My brother and I would tell people he was adopted and I was a tenant. We weren't related to our parents or each other that way.

11) Growing up I had to eat a fork full(or a bowl full)of everything mom made. I have not eaten rutabagas since I turned 18. Mom has to bring those for thanksgiving because I refuse to make them.

12) I love the few gray hairs I have. I feel I've earned them and have no urge to cover them up. I'm hoping my hair turns a beautiful white like my Dad.

13) Even though I don't smoke and hate the habit - I really like a good cigar now and then.

14) I read more than one book at a time. I have at least three going at the moment.

15) I read cook books for fun.

16) I've drove a firetruck to a call.

17) I hate amusement park rides.

18) The only play station game I like (and doesn't make me motion sick) is tetras.

19) I prefer to swim in fresh water than a pool.

20) Without my contacts the big E on the eye chart doesn't exist.

21) I prefer the mountains to the beach.

22) My dream vacation is Alaska.

23) I like to walk the beach in the off season.

24) I love cars and driving.

25) This was much harder than I thought it would be.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Deep Dark Secrets

Annie blogged about her deep dark past at writers, witches and words... and I still love her. So, I thought about what I could share. The reason I would much rather have sheet rock than a diamond when hubby and I got married is that I had so many before. I've been engaged five times though only married twice.

Ring #1 - I was young. I broke up with him and he cried and said he was a jerk because he was saving for a diamond. I fell for it. The diamond came a few months later. He was still a jerk. The ring went back and tears no longer work on me. The best part is I met my girlfriend at the farm. She was dating the jerks brother. We're still together and the brothers are history.

Ring #2 - Followed closely on the heals of number 1. I wasn't into him. I didn't really want to date him. Everyone thought we made a great couple. I relented. He was exciting - going to bars, music, drinking and drugs (him not me). I had just turned 21. He came from a great family. My parents didn't know about the drugs and thought he was all that. I went to visit a high school friend I hadn't seen in years and he asked me why I wanted to marry #2. I couldn't think of a single reason. The ring went back. Lesson - always trust your gut.

Ring #3 - I met him in 5th grade. I thought he was so cute. He wanted to date me senior year. We met again at our tenth reunion and we were married a year later. He gave me the diamond of my dreams on valentine's day. It was a gorgeous emerald cut diamond. I moved back to our hometown and we built a house. I was laid off the day they poured the foundation. I was hired by the new company and didn't miss a day of work. We moved in Christmas Eve. It's a cape and the second floor was unfinished. Before we finished planting the grass in the spring he met a girl in EMT class. I was the first to know. His friends were shocked. The divorce was quick and friendly - though not painless. It wasn't about me or the sex. His idea of love is what I would describe as infatuation. I found this out after he moved out. I invited him and Victoria to our anniversary party. Hell, I wasn't going to pout on our first wedding anniversary. They didn't come but, it was one great party. I kept the ring and the house. He's been with Victoria ever since - miserably so from all reports.

I planted the grass, had the upstairs framed, electrical run and insulation put in. The next big project was the sheet rock.

Ring #4 I lived with him for a couple of years. He was younger. I left for work before him and came home after him. He would be napping so he could go to the firehouse and watch cable TV until the wee hours of the morning. I was working on two masters degrees and so no need for cable. He paid rent but never tried to make it our home. When he called it off my two thoughts were 1) oh, thank god and 2)how will I pay the bills. I sat down and did some creative number crunching and here I am. I couldn't trade the ring from #3 in at home depot so I had let #4 trade it towards a new ring. I kept the ring.

I dated someone briefly and then spent the next two years single. I traded the diamond in for an emerald channel band. My ring to myself. I still wear it.

Ring #5 - Doesn't exist. Hubby and I talked about getting married next summer. I finally said if it is next summer than I am setting a date and we need to finish the upstairs so the kids have a place to sleep. OK I set the date and started plans. The sheet rock was ordered. In the next six months hubby finished the upstairs, I decorated the rooms and planned the potluck picnic wedding - bounce house and all. The day they boomed the sheet rock in hubby handed me the receipt and asked if I would marry him. We do have matching wedding bands and no diamond in sight. And, I've never been happier. I kissed a lot of toads to find my prince charming. It will be five years this June we said our vows and lived happily ever after.

Friday, March 6, 2009

This and that

Son started police explorers Wednesday night. They had a talk with a weapons guy. Son showed him a better way to store his clips. He loved it and can't wait to go back next week. After three meetings in a row they will issue him a uniform. He is so excited. Finally he has something of his own.

Youngest is working on two weeks with no nightmares. She's even been awake early two days this week. A consistent schedule and no bio has done her wonders.

Oldest is hoping we can find a car for her to buy soon.

I woke up with a headache again. I made lunches and went back to bed for an hour. I'm sure it is the weather pattern wrecking havoc. When I got to the spa she could tell right away. She spent some time massaging my face, head and shoulders. She brought in the hot stones to ease the tension and warm me up. When she did my pedicure she gave me an herbal neck wrap and a paraffin soak for my hands. I felt warm, pampered and the head ache subsided to a dull throb. I was happy to see the rain this morning as it will wash away the headache. Last night I met with friends and that always feels good. I came home and hubby tucked me in to my cozy bed. Ah!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Quick update

The headache went away with the storm ending. One more day of work and off to the spa tomorrow.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Headache

I have had a headache since Saturday. I can't really decide if it is sinus or just the pressure from the storm that arrived during the night. I finally broke down and washed 800 mg of ibuprofen down with some full octane coffee. Nothing like a caffeine jolt to kill a headache. It's working so far.

This week end was pretty low key. Laundry, vacuuming and bathroom cleaned. mother and Father-in-love came for dinner Sunday. Oldest made beef stroganoff for supper. Mother-in-love brought asparagus that I roasted in the oven and I made blueberry sorbet for dessert.

Girl Scout cookies have arrived so youngest and I sorted and bagged them for delivery. I made her make a thank you poster to put up at hubby and and my workplace. It's the least she could do as we did the rest of the work.

Today I woke up to snow - it is still snowing. The kids had no school so they will now loose a day of their April vacation to make up for it. Hubby and I are on vacation that week and will be taking the kids on day trips. We may just wisk them to someplace fun instead of sending them to school. All three have perfect attendance so what the hell?

I making pizza for dinner tonight. That is always a big hit with the kids. Son and youngest could eat it every day.
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