Bio Update

OK, so a bio update. If she wasn't a part of my kids life this would be really funny. Hell, even then it is really funny. Better since she lives to far away to see them plus that whole restraining order thing.

So, bio is engaged to be married to Leroy Hesnotblack (that is what she calls him). Leroy Hesnotblack is friends with bio's #2 brother. Last year for Christmas bio sent a picture to the kids of a group of women in old time western garb. This is so they won't forget what she looks like. (Youngest has any way) One of the women was Leroy Hesnotblack's wife. It was taken sometime last year. Since that time she has passed from cancer. Goddess rest her soul. So bio is now living with her fiance. This is why she can't call the kids that often. She calls monthly when she visits her mom to do her laundry. They are not getting married until the kids come to visit - sometime after hell freezes over or youngest turns eighteen.

#2 brother married #1 brother's daughter (is that even legal). My oldest son said this is so niece could get a way from her mother. How bad is she? But, he doesn't think it will last because niece is cheating on uncle. But, this means that #2 brother and his two kids moved out of grandma's house. Oldest son is excited because now instead of the air mattress on the floor he gets the couch.

This is all great news because bio moved out there to take care of an ailing mother. I guess the fact that #1 and #2 brother both lived with her was not enough. Apparently she didn't move there because she had been fired from numerous jobs and had a difficult time finding work or that she was being evicted again.

Oh, and bio plans to have more kids - two to be exact. At 45 y/o she is going to have her tubal ligation reversed and have two more kids. Youngest is happy because then she won't be the youngest.

This is the Dress

My Family

What I'm Reading

I'm one of those people who reads multiple books at once. If I pick up a book and read it straight through then it hits the favorite list. Very few things can hold my attention that long. So besides the 5 or so magazines I subscribe to - mostly cooking and Whole Living I'm reading:

Teacher Man by Frank McCourt
Younger Next Year for Women (read the men's version)
Omnivore's Dilemma
The Yellow Wallpaper
The South Beach Diet

Read any good books lately?

Back on track

Less than three weeks into school and I've lost 5 lbs. Dates with the treadmill and wii fit are doing it. I'm really watching what foods I eat when. Trying for a lot more lean protein throughout the day to stay full and energized. Seems to be working.

My annual (though it's been 3 years) doctor visit was on Monday. She was thrilled with my blood work. Triglycerides were down 35 points; from being to high to right where they should be. Good cholesterol has gone up. She's a little concerned about my sugar levels - they went up. Really!? Of course I didn't think to ask if stress could cause that. My nutritionist assures me it can. Doctors recommendation is the South Beach Diet. I picked up the book at the library and put it in the pile I'm reading. The basic idea is to eat lean protein and good carbs (those lower on the glycemic index).

So the idea really is to be healthy. If I make healthy choices like eating right and exercise the weight should come off. I'm not going to do any specific diet but incorporate what I learn in to my daily routine.

I booked my massage for next month and am going to fit it into the budget no matter what. I'm continuing with my strike. In other words the nagging has stopped. If you must go to school naked because you can't walk your clothes 10 feet to the laundry room so be it. If you don't like what I have in the house for food or what I cook for dinner go hungry or put it on the grocery list.

What have you done for yourself lately dear reader?

My Son, my son, my son

So, not even a month into school and we get a phone call. Never one of those cheery phone calls. Son has a three day internal suspension. It should be a three day external suspension but the other parent didn't want your son to miss school. Thanks Mrs. C.

Seems son (who claims he didn't know at 15 y/o to keep his hand to himself) tapped C on the shoulder. Probably pushed his shoulder really hard as he is unaware of his own strength. C turned around and tried to hit him with his binder. Son grabbed his hand so hard he broke C's finger.

Then he tries to tell us it was self defense. C was hitting him with his notebook. HELLO, you started it! He was defending himself against you.

Son was at girlfriend's when we got the call. Hubby picked him up immediately. He didn't punish him in the car. He wanted to calm down and think about the options. The lil' b says, "why did you bother picking me up if this is all you are going to do." And you wonder why some species eat their young.

So, as son just takes whatever we through at him like its nothing we decided on the following:
1) a letter of apology to C and his parents along with a thank you for keeping him in school
2) three days with no electronics including the phone to call girlfriend (he's read a lot)
3) 18 hours of community service ( we have a phone call out to the fire chief of the rival station)

And the rewards for having children are?

Strike Working and Red Flags

After I left for the grocery store Son asked hubby why I didn't ask anyone what they wanted. Hubby explained that they were old enough to let me know and that I was tired of going down the list each week.

Yesterday morning oldest asked when we were going dress shopping. I replied I hadn't planned on it because no one had asked me to take them. I was asked. Later I found out this was not prompted by hubby. Wow! Maybe the grocery store snub did it. Boyfriend wanted to go with us. As youngest said, "Awkward."

So, the three of us head out to the store. I drive. Boyfriend seems to think I was going to let him drive. So, we get to the store and look at the dresses. They have maybe ten different ones. Oldest starts looking and getting really picky. I state that they may look totally different on than they do on the rack. So, I pulled one of each dress in her size and we headed to the dressing room. She goes in a room and I stand outside the door in the dressing room. Boyfriend we think is waiting outside the dressing room. I'm not sure oldest plans to show him each dress or what (I suspect that is what he wants). She doesn't. The dress she thought she would like wasn't it. She did find one that looked awesome. She was so excited. We go out of the dressing room to show boyfriend and he's not there.

We look around, check the men's department and then we call him. He's outside waiting on a bench. We pay and leave. I hear him behind me say to her, "you didn't seem to need my help." in the snottiest of tones. We get back to the house and he gets out of the car and into his and takes off. Oldest has a bewildered look on her face.

Is he mad you didn't let him pick the dress? I think so.

I thought maybe he wanted to go so he could match his outfit (not really)? So did I.

If he's mad it's his problem and not yours. yeah

She then went for a walk to calm down. Lil bastard ruined her excited I got a new dress I look awesome in moment.

He calls ten minutes later. Is she home? No, she went for a walk. I knew he would go find her and give her some lame excuse. He did.

This morning (because I didn't want to get into it with him at dinner) I asked what his excuse for acting so badly was. He wanted some say in the dress choice.

I quietly explained that this along with past behavior sends up some red flags. First guys for the most part don't go dress shopping. Second it starts small. First they pick out your clothes, then its your friends, your classes. Next thing you know he is calling all the shots and your self esteem is in the toilet. Please keep this in the back of your mind. (I'll keep it in the front.)

I'm on stike

Or having my own little sit in or tuning out whatever you want to call it. I'm the schedule keeper in the house. I'm the list maker and the provider of meals, clothes, vacations, luxuries and such. Hubby may foot the bill or part of it but it all takes place because of me. I'm not being arrogant here, hubby would agree. He likes it that way. No need to clutter his mind with all this stuff. Each time I go grocery shopping I put it out to the family at the dinner table. I go down the list what do you need for breakfast, lunch, fruit.... their toiletries I have to name specifically or they forget they are out of them. So in my raging PMS rant I declared I was done with that. To the point where I declared that if the girls run out of pads they can put their hand under their crotch to catch it until I go grocery shopping again. Maybe next time they will put it on the list. This list has been a constant in their life for 8 years. Time for them to step up to the plate and take some responsibility. I grocery shop today. I told them I would grocery shop today. That is all I said. Don't like what kind of sandwich meat I buy, what cereal, what fruit, guess you're SOL until next time.

Homecoming is the 25th. Normally I would take oldest shopping and buy her a dress, shoes, jewelry etc. Guess what? Not happening. Want me to take you shopping ask me. If not you can wear the same thing you did last year. Hell, boyfriend didn't see it anyway. Or, here's a novel idea do what I did in high school buy it yourself.

I'm tired. Physically and emotionally tired. By the time I arrived for my massage, the first one since May(which used to be a monthly occurrence but due to my funds going to the kids...) I was wound so tight. I asked for a relaxing massage. I drank gallons of water and herbal tea the rest of the day and was still in bed by 7. The toxins released flooded my system. I was in bed at 7 again last night. At least hubby knew I was exhausted and ordered pizza for dinner. Oh, and I booked another one for next month.

The dog was just fed a second time. Son thought I was still in bed. Did you ever think to look in my office? Where am I each morning?

So, today if I make it to the picnic with the rest of the family fine. If not, oh well. I will make it to my girlfriends birthday party though. And boy do I have some fun stuff planned for the kids this week. I have some weeding, some planting and some mulch that needs to be spread. Oh and complain. Go ahead I just dare you!

Peggy"s Progress

Nora L Jamieson wrote a wonderful novella called Peggy's Progress. I bought it Sunday morning and read it Sunday afternoon. It was a pure delight. It is about a sixteen year old girl who runs away. It is a coming of age story filled with magic and wisdom. It was a story that touched a familiar part of me.

It was self published so you may have to go through Nora's website to purchase a copy. Mine is not for sale it will hold a treasured spot on my bookcase.

Senior yearbook

Oldest is a senior this year and they are asked for all kinds of blurbs for the yearbook - class will, blurb of special memories, a dedication and where they plan to be in 20 years. Oldest typed it out and needed to download it to a disc. She wasn't sure how to do it and asked me. When it wouldn't work at home I e-mailed it to work and downloaded it. I read it at work and this is what I read (only the proper names have changed):

Dedication:
I would like to thank my mom for trying her best to be there for me even though she is currently living in Arizona, my family for helping me to pursue my dreams, to Seth, Son, and Youngest for helping me with everything, and making the best dinner conversations, and to Boyfriend for being the best friend and boy friend ever and helping me through the good times and the bad. Love ya!

In 20 years:
In 20 years, I Oldest, will be a successful nurse working with children, living out west with the amazing love of my life and with 4 children.

I was a little tweaked. Here I am the schmuck copying it to disc. No mention of me or her Dad. And I only got a thank you for copying the disc the day after I brought it home because hubby said something after I tweaked on him for a whole list of PMS pet peeves. The only thing that kept me from totally loosing it was talking to my MIL. This is how she read it (I e-mailed it to her).


Dedication:
I would like to thank my mom for trying her best(and not doing very well) to be there for me even though she is currently living in Arizona, my family{Kim & Dad} for helping me to pursue my dreams, to Seth, son, and youngest for helping me with everything, and making the best dinner conversations, and to boyfriend for being the best friend and boy friend ever and helping me through the good times and the bad. Love ya!

She believes oldest still feels mom will kill her for appearing in any way shape or form as siding with us. She says oldest chose her words very carefully. She says oldest used trying with mom
and that her family is helping. Part of me believes that. She is deathly afraid of bio. The other part of me wonders if she is that smart. So, I'll do what my in-loves do - bury my head in the sand and pretend everything is OK. Because I really wonder why I do anything for the ungrateful, thoughtless, hurtful little ..... Other than I tell myself she is still a child on some level and I need to be the adult and love her no matter what. That someday that will be what makes a difference. And I hope she succeeds where her grandmother (bio's mom) and bio failed with their four children.

So, all that said I am headed to the spa for a massage and pedicure.

questions

Hubby approached me this morning. Oldest is taking child development at school. Her assignment this week end is to find out what her parents believe are two challanges to raising children and two rewards. I'd love to know what others think.

I said I'd have to take a minute to articulate my thoughts.

The biggest reward is watching them grow into themselves. I believe my role as a parent is to as Annie puts it "put myself out of a job." My parents taught me that a parents job is to raise productive independent individuals who can thrive alone in society (not in so many words). They made it clear they did not want to be hands on parents for the rest of their lives. They had lives separate from ours and embraced an empty nest. I agree.

The other reward (or the thing that keeps me from killing them) are the little things. The sweet smile, the rare appreciation, a hug, a flower picked from the yard......

Challenges - doing what is best for your child and not necessarily what they would like. This comes easier for me than hubby. I figure if the kids are always happy with me I must not be parenting. Finding what works for each child is another challenge. How do you reward and discipline each child?

occupy my mind

I commented to a friend that I can not maintain a theme through one blog post never mind an entire blog. She said maybe I needed to take something to help me concentrate - her daughter does. She's a little high strung like me. We decided that my mind just spins way to fast and I get bored way to easily. Self diagnosis here I come.

So, I love going to school. I'm not enrolled in a degree program at the moment (may be once the kids are out) but I still take classes when time and budget afford. I can now take online courses through my work discount for $79.00. They have health related classes and anatomy and physiology. I really need to look the list over again and sign up. Work will pay for anything job related. I guess I'll be paying for my own classes. I'm not sure how I can convince them that A&P relates to accounting. Except, I am on the health and wellness committee...... So the point to this is that I keep racking up degrees because I love school. I think because it keeps my mind occupied. My degrees are in English literature and psychology, business administration and accounting and Biblical studies. I'm working on completing a course/certificate in herbalism. Up until I went part time at work a few years ago I kept saying I was trying to decide what I wanted to be when I grow up. Since, no one will pay me to go to school. When I went part time I continued working as an accountant, started substitute teaching at the elementary school and took care of house and kids as well as volunteer with the fire department. Then it struck me. I don't want a traditional career. I don't want one singular job. I need the variety. Before I was married work was OK because I was also going to school and volunteering on countless committees from church, fire department and town. I had enough variety.

And this year I have been eliminating what no longer works for me. Girl Scouts finally came to an end. I resigned from the fire department after ten years. I told them I could no longer substitute teach. My two jobs are actually paying enough to cover my bills. I'm feeling more rich than I have since before owning a home. I'm making an effort to live healthy. I'm spending more time in the kitchen. I'm try to connect or reconnect with friends. And I'm thinking of writing a cookbook.