Linear time has flipped a page from 2011 to 2012. I feel so out of sinc with linear time. Many see this day as a time to wipe the slate clean and make resolutions to improve themselves in some way. I have long since stopped making New Year's resolutions. And I feel we can never wipe the slate clean, but I have learned /am learning to make peace with my past.
I am on a continuous journey to improve. But, as I see improvement it is for each of us to lead our authentic life. To be in touch with who we really are and live in that truth. So often we don hats that do not fit us. I know I tried on the ones that would please my parents, my friends, my boyfriends. They would be to tight or big or just plain uncomfortable. It is when I had the courage to step out in the hat I chose for myself that life just felt right. And as I grow and learn my hat changes with me. It has a new stitch there and slight embellishment here. I see something new emerging in the weeks and months ahead. Ah, what will it look like.
I have chosen many roles in life - wife, mother, student, employee. And sometimes my hat doesn't always fit those roles perfectly. I need to integrate my choices with my authentic self. Sometimes my authentic self needs to temper her tongue with kindness. And I have been making an effort to surround myself with people who support my authentic self, encourage and challenge it. I have made an effort to let go of those things and people that do not nourish me in some way.
In 2011 a black cloud left. Stress seeped from every pore. I became calmer. I was able to concentrate on my health (physically, mentally and spiritually). I made changes. Some were subtle shifts. Some spanned great chasms. I'm in a better place than I was a year ago. I have many miles to go before I sleep. And I look forward to the journey.