A friend suggested writing down your goals for 90 days. April 5 will be the 90 day mark. Here are my goals and results. I will be contemplating what my next 90 days will look like.
1. Walk 100 miles on the treadmill or otherwise. So far I have logged 41.10 miles. The stress with the court and changing schedules threw me off track.
2. Finalize plans for summer vacation. I had already traded in the time share, gave them a list of dates and places. For this I really needed to wait and see what become available first. But, I like plans in advance and if nothing had become available I was prepared to add new destinations to the list. The e-mail came in and we leave for Maine the day after school gets out.
3. Book the International Herb Fest (IHF)and Women's Herb Conference (WHC). With the confirmation of vacation plans the IHF was out of the question as it is the same week end we leave. Uugh! The paperwork is all filled out for the WHC and I'm waiting on funds. The deadline for early bird is May 31 and it will be in the mail by then.
4. I want to be making more money. But, I do not want to work any more days (3) than I currently work. My job responsibilities changed. I have more hours which means more pay but, I do not have to go into the office more than the three days I already was. That works for me.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
love
What is love? A blog comment prompted this thought. And thanks to all those mothers out there commented and encouraging me - it really helps.
Oldest, and the other kids to a lesser extent, were programmed/brain washed to believe that love was something you earned by being "good." Oldest believes if she is quite and doesn't cause yelling that she will be loved. When I popped on the scene and loved them no matter what it through her for a loop. I also don't equate quiet with being good. She constantly acts in ways that would make bio happy, and if bio is happy then she is happy and may get a few crumbs of love. I do all the things she wants a mom to do and she resents me for that. The more I do the bitchy her she gets. It's almost comical (if it didn't hurt so much) Yet, I still do for her. I still love her. Someday I hope she can just sit with that. Hubby loves her in much the same way but bio has told oldest over and over and over and over.... that he doesn't really love her. He only treats this way as a bribe to keep her. If he keeps her he wins this sick game bio is playing. Bio uses them as a prize in a game. And part of this is all about mother love and my blasting oldest was really what she needed to here.
And blip - infatuation springs to mind. When my first husband moved out to live with his new girlfriend (in our old apartment) we talked on the phone one day. He said how he loved me but wasn't in love with me. That love was feeling like no one else in the world existed. Hmm, that to me is infatuation. Now that he is a Dad (and a really good one from what I hear) I wonder what his answer would be today? I'll have to ask him next time I see him.
The rain keeps falling, the snow is gone, the daffodils are about to burst open and I will be working at home today balancing bank statements.
May you be filled with, surrounded by and blessed with true, unconditional love my dear readers! Hugs, gratitude and love from me.
Oldest, and the other kids to a lesser extent, were programmed/brain washed to believe that love was something you earned by being "good." Oldest believes if she is quite and doesn't cause yelling that she will be loved. When I popped on the scene and loved them no matter what it through her for a loop. I also don't equate quiet with being good. She constantly acts in ways that would make bio happy, and if bio is happy then she is happy and may get a few crumbs of love. I do all the things she wants a mom to do and she resents me for that. The more I do the bitchy her she gets. It's almost comical (if it didn't hurt so much) Yet, I still do for her. I still love her. Someday I hope she can just sit with that. Hubby loves her in much the same way but bio has told oldest over and over and over and over.... that he doesn't really love her. He only treats this way as a bribe to keep her. If he keeps her he wins this sick game bio is playing. Bio uses them as a prize in a game. And part of this is all about mother love and my blasting oldest was really what she needed to here.
And blip - infatuation springs to mind. When my first husband moved out to live with his new girlfriend (in our old apartment) we talked on the phone one day. He said how he loved me but wasn't in love with me. That love was feeling like no one else in the world existed. Hmm, that to me is infatuation. Now that he is a Dad (and a really good one from what I hear) I wonder what his answer would be today? I'll have to ask him next time I see him.
The rain keeps falling, the snow is gone, the daffodils are about to burst open and I will be working at home today balancing bank statements.
May you be filled with, surrounded by and blessed with true, unconditional love my dear readers! Hugs, gratitude and love from me.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
CPR and groceries
I am officially recertified in CPR/AED for another year. The penny auction was going on at the same time as class. I left youngest home as class was 3 hours. The other scout leader brought her daughter. She let her go to the auction, bring a book and her DS to keep her busy. Besides there are plenty of adults there. True, but I don't feel it is another adults responsibility to watch my child. Maybe, it is just me.
Came home and youngest and I were off to the grocery shopping marathon. Two stores and less than three hours later we were home. I think that is a record. She went outside and played in the beautiful sunshine and I read on the deck. Then she made us supper - well, we made supper. Arroz con Pollo out of Emeril's There's A Chef in the World. It is so good. Youngest insisted on using the purple (forbidden) rice. With a variety of peppers, onions and capers it was a complete rainbow of a meal.
I actually got some snuggle time with hubby. Yeah! With his rotating schedule and the kids home 24/7 now we have not settled into a new dating routine yet. I miss our dates and so does he. That's our next thing on the list - finding date time.
My parents called. They are home from their winter in Florida. Once they settle back in I will have them for dinner.
Came home and youngest and I were off to the grocery shopping marathon. Two stores and less than three hours later we were home. I think that is a record. She went outside and played in the beautiful sunshine and I read on the deck. Then she made us supper - well, we made supper. Arroz con Pollo out of Emeril's There's A Chef in the World. It is so good. Youngest insisted on using the purple (forbidden) rice. With a variety of peppers, onions and capers it was a complete rainbow of a meal.
I actually got some snuggle time with hubby. Yeah! With his rotating schedule and the kids home 24/7 now we have not settled into a new dating routine yet. I miss our dates and so does he. That's our next thing on the list - finding date time.
My parents called. They are home from their winter in Florida. Once they settle back in I will have them for dinner.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Busy Week
Sunday oldest and I went to see The Producers. The play was great the conversation was not. Talking with her is like pulling teeth. She then commented on her facebook that she was in a bad mood and wanted to live with bio in Arizona. Everyone pussyfoots around oldest because she's sensitive - she cries and pouts and is plain old miserable. I sit across from her at the dinner table and she angles herself so she doesn't have to look at me. Enough is enough. She doesn't want to live here anyway what is the worse that can happen. On the way to our meeting Wednesday night I let it all out. As mother-in-love says a car is a captive audience. I started calmly asking if there was anything else I should know about before my friends started calling me again (like the comment on facebook). At one point I pulled the car over to tell her exactly what was on my mind. Everything that has pissed me off, hurt my feelings or annoyed me came out. As we pulled into the parking lot at the fire house I ended with - you're sixteen years old, act your age. If you have a problem be an adult and let me know - stop this lying, sneaking crap and grow up. Of course this came after I got her to admit that she was uncomfortable at our house because her father loves her and is doing what he thinks is best for her. Hell, that would make me uncomfortable. I explained that when someone does something nice whether it is me or a stranger on the street a simple thank you is in order. I'm not asking for her to kiss my feet - just common courtesy and I let her know it. She stewed through the hour long meeting. I got an apology for her acting like a brat when we got in the car and she carried on a conversation the rest of the way home. She's been pleasant ever since. All I know is I feel better that I got it off my chest. Heck, she even looked at me at dinner.
I called mother-in-love and she said maybe that is just what she needed. Maybe.
Youngest is waking up before I have to go get her. She is perky. She doesn't fight bedtime anymore. She even shuts the TV off on time and goes to read without being asked. The only nightmares now is after a conversation with bio. Amazing what a regular schedule, bedtime and meals can do for a child.
Son is LOVING the police explorers. Last Saturday he helped with a wrestling match. He had his picture taken with two female wrestlers. Needless to say the were pretty blonds not wearing much. He had me e-mail his brother the picture with the message - look what I got.
Work - I have six more clients than I did on Monday. One is a new client and the other five I'm taking over for a full time accountant that they fired. In my three days a week I have been handling 8 clients and pet projects for my boss. He has not been able to maintain his five clients. It all came to a head this week when one of his clients expressed to upper management a vote of no confidence in his accountant and that he felt it was hurting his business. That client was immediately taken away. Yesterday HR came in and decided that instead of the lay off they had planned do to lack of performance that with this information in hand it would be a firing instead with no compensation. I feel bad - he is a nice guy. But, I'm cleaning up his accounts and OMG are they a mess. I have a blanket permission to work more than 3 days whenever I want or need to. I can also work at home two days and come in three. I have been putting a few extra hours at home the past few weeks cleaning up another disaster of his. They are also upgrading the system as of April 3 and I will have full access to the system at home. Yeah!
I have to admit part of me never wants to be full time again. The other part of me thrives on being busy and handling all of these clients. In five minutes of taking back an old client yesterday (he's been trying to do his financials himself) I found an $18,000 error in the clients favor. I can't wait to make that phone call. Plus I could really use the extra money now. I love having the kids home and safe but the grocery bill has gone up and I have no funds for me stuff anymore. Plus all the kids jumped a size at the same time.
Today is CPR class. I need to renew or the Girl Scouts can't go to the Dude Ranch in May. And then I'm off to the grocery store and bringing oldest and a friend to the movies to see A Haunting in CT.
I called mother-in-love and she said maybe that is just what she needed. Maybe.
Youngest is waking up before I have to go get her. She is perky. She doesn't fight bedtime anymore. She even shuts the TV off on time and goes to read without being asked. The only nightmares now is after a conversation with bio. Amazing what a regular schedule, bedtime and meals can do for a child.
Son is LOVING the police explorers. Last Saturday he helped with a wrestling match. He had his picture taken with two female wrestlers. Needless to say the were pretty blonds not wearing much. He had me e-mail his brother the picture with the message - look what I got.
Work - I have six more clients than I did on Monday. One is a new client and the other five I'm taking over for a full time accountant that they fired. In my three days a week I have been handling 8 clients and pet projects for my boss. He has not been able to maintain his five clients. It all came to a head this week when one of his clients expressed to upper management a vote of no confidence in his accountant and that he felt it was hurting his business. That client was immediately taken away. Yesterday HR came in and decided that instead of the lay off they had planned do to lack of performance that with this information in hand it would be a firing instead with no compensation. I feel bad - he is a nice guy. But, I'm cleaning up his accounts and OMG are they a mess. I have a blanket permission to work more than 3 days whenever I want or need to. I can also work at home two days and come in three. I have been putting a few extra hours at home the past few weeks cleaning up another disaster of his. They are also upgrading the system as of April 3 and I will have full access to the system at home. Yeah!
I have to admit part of me never wants to be full time again. The other part of me thrives on being busy and handling all of these clients. In five minutes of taking back an old client yesterday (he's been trying to do his financials himself) I found an $18,000 error in the clients favor. I can't wait to make that phone call. Plus I could really use the extra money now. I love having the kids home and safe but the grocery bill has gone up and I have no funds for me stuff anymore. Plus all the kids jumped a size at the same time.
Today is CPR class. I need to renew or the Girl Scouts can't go to the Dude Ranch in May. And then I'm off to the grocery store and bringing oldest and a friend to the movies to see A Haunting in CT.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Saturday play dates
Everyone had to be somewhere Saturday. Oldest had driver's ed in the morning. Son had to do crowd control with his explorer post for a wrestling match in the afternoon. Youngest and I had a hair appointment at 10. Youngest was told her troop was selling Girl Scout cookies and I had a surprise birthday party to go to. Needless to say something had to give as it is Hubby's week end to work and he was sleeping. Youngest did not sell Girl Scout cookies and hubby had to wake up and transport son.
I went to the Purple Rose for their open house. There weren't a lot of people which surprised me. We did end with an impromptu drumming meditation which was cool. Then I was off to Annie's surprise birthday party. I had some time in between and I spotted a bike trail near where I parked so I took a walk in the spring sunshine. The party was nice. Her Beloved even hired a magician as entertainment.
I had put a roast in the crock pot for dinner. So when I arrived home I mashed the potatoes with some herb cheese and made gravy. It was really good.
Today oldest and I are off to see The Producer's at the Thomaston Opera House.
I went to the Purple Rose for their open house. There weren't a lot of people which surprised me. We did end with an impromptu drumming meditation which was cool. Then I was off to Annie's surprise birthday party. I had some time in between and I spotted a bike trail near where I parked so I took a walk in the spring sunshine. The party was nice. Her Beloved even hired a magician as entertainment.
I had put a roast in the crock pot for dinner. So when I arrived home I mashed the potatoes with some herb cheese and made gravy. It was really good.
Today oldest and I are off to see The Producer's at the Thomaston Opera House.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Super Hero (3rd post of the day)
Check out the Super Hero Factory and determine what super hero you are. OK, I just came from seeing the butterflies so the wings appealed to me - besides it shows my delicate gentle side. That I can morph from caterpillar to butterfly. I almost went with the whip until I saw the dual gun option - even in pink which is not my color I couldn't resist. It's my gun slinger Clint Eastwood look. Ah, this was sooooo much fun.
Butterflies
I am home from Magic Wings and have been downloading and editing pictures. At first the butterflies would only land on Darcy. I took some really cool pictures of that. Then I found this bench in a sunny spot and the butterflies started landing on me. Yeah! What a perfect way to spend the first day of spring.
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