Saturday, May 18, 2013

Childless Mother

It has been a long strange trip...  I mean a really up and down roller coaster of emotion type of week.  It started with my least favorite holiday - Mother's Day.  It is a day when people bubble over and wish every woman they see a happy mother's day.  And indeed I believe all woman are mothers in some form or another but............   Unless hubby goes out and buys a card and makes the kids sign it I am completely ignored.  It is times like this that drive home the point that I am a childless mother. And on the average day I can handle this but.....   Hubby did buy me a beautiful card from him.  My MIL sent a sweet card.  My kids did not acknowledge me or the silly holiday. I let it go by spending time in the garden and having my parents over for dinner.  I spent the afternoon puttering in the kitchen which I find total delight in.  We had crab cakes to start, a roasted pork loin, butternut squash and a huge tossed salad topped with dandelion greens and violet blossoms picked in the yard.  I made ranch dressing and blue cheese dressing.  Dessert was toffee bars topped with home made coffee ice cream.  We talked and laughed until tears came.  It was a good time.

Two days later son in a reply to something I said thought he was being funny and said, "You have to admit, I can honestly say we are not related."  I didn't find it funny.  And after stewing for a day this was my reply (at dinner for everyone to hear).  You can honestly say I did not birth you but you can NOT say we are not related. I find your comment mean and hurtful.  Like it or not I am your step mother.  and related, relative, relationship we have one.  I have spent the last 11 years of my life help raise you.  I have clothed, fed, taken you on vacation, stayed up late to pick you up from work, bent over backwards for you.  So no, you can not honestly say we are not related.  He was a little taken aback. He had not intended to be hurtful. But now the air was clear.

Thursday night I sat front row at the high school to watch the senior awards ceremony.  He received the board of education award for technology for his work in the wood and masonry classes.

Work - the place I choose to go three days a week to finance my life has been really driving me crazy.  Our office was rearranged.  We have new desks that are much more functional.  The set up is really great.  And in theory it should work much better but....  The girl that now sits behind me is loud - I mean LOUD.  I have been wearing headphones for a week now to drown her out.  And obnoxious.  We started our healthy challenge II at work.  I'm really proud of the program our Health & Wellness committee has put together.  It was a great team effort in launching a program to help employees get healthy.  Girl is hyper and walks every day at lunch.  This is great.  Her pace is such that it is more like a jog.  I don't walk with her because I'm sweating in our office already and to come back from a work out and work just feels gross.  She has taken it upon herself to "motivate" others in the office.  She starts in the morning, does a prelunch speech and then a post lunch speech.  I don't find these motivating.  She is a nag.  An obnoxious, loud, nag.  She does not try to motivate me.  I think I've made it clear from my actions I don't want to hear it.  That or she knows I will tell her to go F#@& herself.  She makes you want to be a lazy donut eating slob in defiance.  Others are going along just to shut her up. 

And my clients.  Most are absolutely wonderful.  I adore them.  Then there are two.  It takes all of my power and energy to work on their accounts.  Those are the accounts I needed to work on this week.  I trudge forward.

Friday I met with my tribe of beautiful Goddess Sisters to discuss our goals and achievements in our businesses.  I did accomplish things this month.  The state now recognizes me as a business, I revamped my business cards and bulletins, I taught a class, I scheduled a weed walk, I took orders for product and I set up a facebook page.  This month I need to work on promotion and production.

When I arrived home there was a letter from oldest.  Hubby commented that I received a letter and he didn't.  I have never received a letter just to me from her.  I opened it to find a handmade mother's day card.  Not step mom, not like a mom but a mother's day card wishing me love and joy.  I cried. 

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