Friday, August 16, 2013

Heartbreak

It is past time to replace my computer. I can no longer do simple tasks on it. It is old, very old and I have lovingly had her cleaned and maintained by computer hero but it is time. Posting to this blog for example has been a challenge. I must write my posts in Word and cut and paste. Enough of that…

I’m back at work. I earned a sticker every day this week. I give myself a cheesy sticker every day I do not breech the partition and choke someone. It is amazing how one person can grate on everyone’s nerves so much that the atmosphere changes. I breathe deep and plug in my headphones. And the visual of the stickers actually helps calm me and feel compassion.

We received a new letter from son yesterday. He is on light duty at boot camp because of cellulitis on his ankle. What is it with my kids and ankles? He says the meds are working quickly and he will be back to full duty by the week end. And then in a few short sentences he breaks my heart and brings out the full rage of mama bear. He asked again if we would pass his address on to his mom and sister. He has not received a letter from them and thinks he may have sent his wrong address. He wants them to know when he graduates because he really wants bio to be there. The moment we received his address I sent a mass e-mail to family (including his sister) and a few friends with his address. I also sent a facebook message. His sister responded and said she had written and would mail it out the next day. This was weeks ago now. How, how for the love of all that is holy do you not write to your son? Even if sister did not pass the address on (because you know damn well I’m not giving bio any information) he wrote to her with his address. And I know it was the correct address because he has received letters from us, my in-laws and my parents. He even received letters from his friend that is a girl that I tracked down and messaged on facebook.

If you are new to my blog you may ask how I could not pass on info to bio. Well, she moved away almost five years ago and still has yet to give us a change of address. My children have not seen her since she left. My youngest has not talked to her since Christmas. Son only talked to her because he would call her. And frankly I hope she is not at graduation because we plan to bring youngest and I would like the visit to be drama free. And yet, my heart breaks for him. He so wants to believe that bio loves him and cares about him. He so wants that connection with his mom just like oldest wanted that connection. Oldest even moved to be with bio seeking that connection. What she found is a different story. Let’s just say she doesn’t live with bio.



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